


My First Kiss

by BrickylLove



Category: The Walking Dead (TV)
Genre: Acceptance, Alternate Reality, Angst, Aversion to touch, Daryl Has Issues, Did I say sweet?, Falling In Love, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Love, M/M, Male Homosexuality, Patient Rick, Sweet love, Sweetness, after Terminus but before season 5, group is a safe and whole
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-11-11
Updated: 2015-11-08
Packaged: 2018-02-25 00:08:44
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 9,011
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2601395
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BrickylLove/pseuds/BrickylLove
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Rick and Daryl fall in love, though Daryl makes it hard for Rick because Daryl has a problem with being touched. Definite fluff, some smut, but mainly a love story. Set after season 4. This story may seem slightly OOC for some, but it fits to me.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

No one Rick asked knew where Daryl had disappeared to, and Rick pinched the bridge of his nose in frustration. With the vehicles packed and ready to go for close to an hour, the group seemed stir crazy. This tiny town held no supplies, and if they hadn't stopped so late the night before, they wouldn't have even stayed here in the first place. Hell, where the fuck was Daryl?

Rick was ready to go a little nuts himself. Everyone was hungry, and the last of their food stash had been rationed out last night, four squirrels and 2 cans of beans didn't go very far in a group their size.

"Something's wrong. Daryl knew we were leaving at daylight," Rick told Glenn and Maggie, "I'm going to find him. Y'all go ahead to that next town we talked about. Hole up there until I find him, and if you can't, for whatever reason, head on to the second one. We'll find you."

Most stared at Rick with varying expressions of unhappiness. They'd grown too damn dependent on him and for a moment, it angered him, until his eyes met Beth's, little Judy on her hip, and swung to Carl's fiercely determined expression.

This family was his responsibility. All of them. Including the missing archer.

As they drove away, Rick wanted to hit something in frustration. Daryl's disappearance, his separation from the group, weighed heavy in Rick's mind. It was all Rick's fault. If only he'd done something differently the day before.

The Day Before...

They'd stopped next to a heavily wooded area in the hopes of finding some meat. Rick and Daryl were following deer tracks when Rick stepped into a hole, tripped, and banged his head against a tree. Rick wasn't sure how long he'd been unconscious, but when he became aware, he was shocked to find himself in Daryl's arms with his face pressed deep into Daryl's damp, woodsy-scented neck. The other man rocked Rick, back and forth, like a baby.

Head fuzzy, Rick could barely make out the words the archer whispered in a crazy-sounding ramble, "Can't do it no more, Rick, can't walk around like this. Can't watch you get hurt no more. Can't live like this."

And then Daryl kissed Rick's temple and his cheek, repeatedly, and Rick stayed still in shock, until Daryl turned his head and pressed his lips so softly against Rick's. 

This rightness of the moment was a bit terrifying, so Rick had broken from the embrace and backed up in the leaves. He'd stared at Daryl in shock, "Did you just kiss me?"

"Fuck no," Daryl sprung to his feet and glared at Rick, "Forget the deer. Gonna get some squirrel."

And just like that, he was gone.

Rick touched his lips a few times. Daryl had kissed him! He didn't know what to think about it, his thoughts were a riot in his mind. Sure, he'd never seen the other man with a woman, but he'd never once thought Daryl might be gay. In fact, if anyone had asked, Rick would have said Daryl was asexual.

Rick touched his lips again, and he thought of all the things he loved about the other man. Daryl's loyalty, his bravery, the gentle soul inside the tough exterior...

After a while, Rick had returned to the group, letting Bob examine his head. Later, when Daryl returned with the squirrels, he wouldn't meet Rick's eyes. Anger seemed to radiate from his whole body and everyone steered a wide path around him.

That night, when they stopped, Daryl had immediately taken watch, and Rick had followed him out, "Talk to me, Daryl."

"Ain't nothing to talk about," the barely-controlled fury in his voice made Rick back up a step and hold up his hands in a placating manner.

"I can't lose you over this," Rick replied.

"Never had me," Daryl yelled, and several of the group had peeked out their heads.

"This isn't over," Rick told him, "we'll work this out," but he'd backed away and left Daryl alone.

...

Now as Rick peered around the town, he just knew Daryl was watching him, "I'm going in this store and I'm not leaving until you let me talk to you."

It took about 10 minutes of pacing the dusty building before Daryl burst through the door, "Just leave, Rick, get the fuck out of here and catch up to the group. I don't need your pity. I don't care no more."

Rick slowly approached Daryl, "I know you care, Daryl. I know you do." Rick held the other man's eyes, hoping and praying he hadn't totally screwed things up, "I know you care. As much as I care about you."

There was something so desperate in the other man's eyes, but as he looked down at Rick's mouth, Rick decided to try something. He couldn't let Daryl leave, and if this was what it would take to get him to stay, then damn, he could have it.

Rick licked his lips, where Daryl's blue eyes appeared glued, and Daryl seemed to barely hold back a groan, but Rick sensed it, saw the slight little sway the other man made in his direction.

So Rick did it again, slower this time, watching Daryl's reaction. He knew that if he reached out and touched the barely-chained animal that was Daryl, the other man would either run or fight, so Rick forced himself to wait.

Daryl's cheeks flushed and the second his eyes moved up to meet Rick's, panicked and terrified, Rick did it again, except this time he gently chewed and tugged slowly at his bottom lip with his teeth. Lori used to tell him that he looked sexy whenever he did that. The way Daryl watched every move was making him feel sexy, at any rate.

The harsh sound of Daryl's breath, then a whispered, "I can't, I don't know what you want from me."

Rick took a step closer, and even though Daryl drew back his shoulders slightly, he didn't move his feet. It wasn't really a flinch, and his gaze was still riveted on Rick's lips. His breath puffed in and out of his chest.

"I want you to kiss me again," Rick finally whispered.

"Didn't work out so well last time I tried."

"Well, try it again. I was surprised, Daryl, but later I was intrigued. I can't lose you, and if this is what you want, you can have it. Whatever you want. You just can't leave me."

Daryl swallowed, and he whispered, "I'm too scared." 

The pain-filled admission from the normally stoic Daryl burned deep in Rick's gut and he edged a fraction closer.

"Can I kiss you?" Rick asked. He'd been really unsure about this at first, but now all he wanted was to feel the other man's lips again.

"Don't like to be touched," the misery in Daryl's voice tugged Rick's heart.

"I won't touch you, but you can touch me," Rick told him, "all you want."

"I don't know how."

At Rick's questioning look, Daryl burst out, "I've only ever been with one woman, and we never did nothing, not even kiss," Daryl voice trailed away, and then continued in a whisper, "she was just this girl who'd pretended to Merle like she'd slept with me. Truth was she thought I couldn't get it up and we'd just go off together and get high. I've never liked to be touched. Can't stand it."

"Touch me then," Rick encouraged, "Here, I'll close my eyes and stand really still. I won't move or say a word."

Daryl looked less worried, so Rick closed his eyes, sealing his part of the bargain.

It took a minute, but the audibly-interested breathing moved close enough for Rick to feel the puffs across his neck. He expected lips to touch his, and was surprised when Daryl's rough fingertips stroked slowly from his temples down his cheek, across his beard.

Daryl's other hand rubbed across Rick's hair, "So soft," Daryl whispered, and then his fingers were threading through the strands and it felt so good, Rick felt a little dizzy, and his only thought was  _more, please more_... both of Daryl's hands skimmed down Rick's neck, across the tops of his shoulders, down his arms and then back up again, "Don't move," Daryl reminded Rick, and suddenly he was hugging Rick, more squeezing than hugging, and Rick wondered if the other man's arms would leave bruises on his body from the vice-like grip. The hug was full frontal and Rick was a little unnerved by the hard press of Daryl's dick against his stomach, but then his own stirred and Rick began to breathe a little raggedy himself.

Daryl loosened his grip, holding Rick with one arm, and the other hand was back in his hair. This time the hand cupped the back of Rick's head, and then he felt Daryl's breath on his face.

For a solid minute nothing happened and Rick peeked through his lashes.

"Keep your eyes closed," Daryl demanded, and Rick quickly shut them, but his heart was leaping in his chest. That brief vision of Daryl looking at him, the love on the other man's face, the slight smile, damn, that expression made Daryl look so gorgeous, and it amazed Rick to see all of that emotion.

No one had ever looked at Rick like that, their heart in their eyes, and that this was Daryl looking at him sent a surge of heat through Rick's body. He swayed slightly.

"Be still," came the demand, and Rick wanted to yell back that he was trying, but instead, he licked his lips again, and then the softness of Daryl's lips were barely touching his, just resting against his. The sweetest press, no movement whatsoever.

 _He doesn't know how to kiss,_ Rick thought, and after waiting a few seconds, Rick barely pressed his lips back.

Daryl made a noise and pulled away, but then his mouth was back and this time he pressed a little harder.

Rick hadn't kissed anyone in so long, it almost did feel like a first kiss, and the soft press of Daryl's mouth sent Rick into a drowsy state of arousal.  

When Daryl began repeating that soft press, over and over, peck, peck, peck, it took all of Rick's willpower not to take over and really show Daryl how to kiss.

As it was, keeping his eyes closed was hard, and even though Daryl's arm was still around him, a supporting vise, Rick was feeling weak in the knees.

Daryl paused his kissing, and Rick could almost hear the other man's mental debate about what to do next. A full moment passed and Rick still felt stunned, slumped back against Daryl's arm, mentally staring up at Daryl's mouth. Willing it back. 

"Can I respond?" Rick finally asked. 

"To what?" Daryl questioned back, and this lack of knowledge touched that _something_ deep inside Rick again, his heart seeming to melt in his chest.

"Respond to your kiss? Kiss you back?" Daryl remained silent, and his breathing calmed.

More silence.

Rick fought to keep his eyes closed, "That's what kissing is, Daryl, two mouths moving together."

Daryl grunted and the arm on Rick's waist tightened, "I dunno."

"Can we try?" Rick whispered huskily, "I promise I won't touch you. And if you don't like it, I'll stop."

"Okay," came quick and then Daryl lips touched his again, and Rick slowly began moving his own. As Daryl mimicked his movements, Rick's arousal heightened, and he barely stroked his tongue across Daryl's lips.

Daryl squeaked, a high-pitched sound so at odds with the normal deep timbre of his voice, and even though Rick fought the smile, he couldn't help it from splitting his face.

"You laughing at me?" Daryl's arm tightened again, attempting to tug Rick closer, but the anger and bitterness were gone from his voice. He sounded breathless, and even a little happy.

"No, no, never," Rick assured him, "that was cute."

Daryl grunted and scoffed, "Cute?" but his lips were back and this time when Rick licked him, Daryl licked him back.

It was electrifying, that tiniest of touches, and the tips of their tongues played for a moment, before Rick stroked his tongue further into Daryl's mouth. Daryl's response was instant and completely without finesse, repeatedly just stabbing his tongue forth. Rick went with it for a moment, but then changed the pace with a slower rub and twining. Daryl caught on fast, and just like that, the kiss made both men sway on their feet. It was as though their mouths had been created for the other. Rick couldn't tell whose tongue was whose, and the sensation took over his body. His hips bucked slightly against Daryl's in a grinding motion.

Daryl quickly released Rick and backed away, his breathing harsh, and Rick tried to get control of his own breathing. He'd kissed a few girls before he and Lori married, but never had a kiss rocked him at his core like the one he'd just shared with Daryl.

He wanted more and was about to ask, no beg, for it, when Daryl said, "Let's go catch up to the others."

...

It was subtle and the others took a while to notice, but Daryl started touching Rick. A lot.

At first the touches were innocent enough, the way Daryl would clutch Rick's arm, or pat his back or shoulder. Once he'd reached across their fire to wipe some food from Rick's beard. That had raised a couple of eyebrows, but they all lived on top of one another, so those who'd been surprised simply let it go. Another time Daryl had put an arm around Rick's waist and tugged Rick against him for a side hug. Again, no one really thought much of it, it was Rick, after all, and everyone knew how much Daryl cared about Rick. But the day Daryl reached up and smoothed back the hair falling in Rick's eyes, everyone noticed.

Their few stolen moments were always the same, Daryl demanding that Rick close his eyes and be still, while Daryl did whatever he wanted. Rick never minded, he'd fallen in love with Daryl's mouth and found himself constantly fantasizing about the feel and the taste of the other man. The only time Rick wasn't sporting a hard-on seemed to be late at night in his tent, when he could safely jack off alone.

Sometimes he felt like Daryl's toy, standing there while the other man kissed him, or stroked hands and fingers across his chest, arms, and back, but Rick didn't mind. He truly didn't care anymore what Daryl wanted to do to him, as long as the other man did something.

A side effect of Rick always having to close his eyes when they were alone was that now, whenever Daryl was around, Rick's eyes caressed him. He watched the archer walk the perimeter, the light-footed crouch, the swing of his hips. Rick watched him eat, his strong jaw working, and the way the thick corded muscles in his neck bulged when he swallowed. The archer's arms were his particular fascination, partly because they were the only bare skin available to admire and partly because the muscles were just that incredible.

Daryl noticed too, and Rick knew that sometimes Daryl flexed just for him.

Early one evening in yet another small town, after they'd cleared the few stumbling walkers, Rick and Daryl were scavenging a high-end neighborhood for food when Daryl tugged Rick to a stop and pushed him back against a wall, "Close your eyes."

But Rick didn't want to, "No," he said.

"No?" Daryl tilted his head and his eyes were wide, "What do you mean no?"

"Your problem is with touch, right? Then why do I have to close my eyes? I'm not touching you, I've agreed to that, but I'm tired of closing my eyes."

"I like them closed." Daryl's voice was deadly serious.

"Well I like them open," Rick replied in the same tone.

They were at a stalemate, staring at each other for a moment when Daryl reached out and pulled Rick to him. Their bodies just fit perfectly and both began breathing harshly.

Daryl leaned close, his lips not touching Rick's yet, and stared hard into Rick's eyes, "Close them."

"Can't make me," Rick said, and then he grinned, "Kiss me right and it'll happen naturally."

Rick could tell Daryl was torn, that he hated the idea of giving up a bit of his control of the situation, so Rick did what he always did when he wanted Daryl to kiss him; he slowly licked his lips.

Daryl squeezed his own eyes shut, and kissed him, though their noses bumped first. It was always the same, like their first kiss, the slow presses, then slight play of tongues, before Daryl pressed inside and met Rick's tongue. As always, Rick found the whole process so sweet in its repetition, and insanely arousing.

As Daryl pulled back to catch his breath, Rick held his eyes, and Daryl whimpered quietly. Rick wondered if the other man saw the same love that reflected back at Rick, and figured he must, he had to, because the love felt like it was overflowing from Rick's chest and pouring out his eyes.

"Again," Rick whispered, and then Daryl's fingers were in his hair, cupping Rick's head, their eyes holding as Daryl lowered his head. The eye contact created new element to their kiss, an emotional connection, and their tongues moved slower than ever, and Rick briefly wondered if it were possible for his dick to split open his pants before he lost himself in the wonder that was Daryl's mouth.

The sound of footsteps broke them apart, and as Carol and Tyreese joined them, both raised eyebrows at their heavy breathing. And Daryl took off like a shot, leaving Rick to deal with the strange looks.

...

That evening, Rick stood in front of their home-for-the-night's fireplace, gently rocking a sleeping Judith back and forth in his arms. Carl stood next to them, telling his dad all about his latest archery lesson with Daryl, how Carl was starting to set the bow himself. He showed his dad the nonexistent muscles in his arms, claiming he was beefing up.

The home was a big one, though most of the group chose to stay together in the large living room, huddled at a various distances from the fire. Rick turned to Beth, who always slept with Judy, and laid the baby on the deep couch Beth had chosen for the night. As Beth stood beside him, they both looked down at sweet little Judy's sleeping face and Beth said quietly, "You're so good with her."

Rick looked at the young woman in surprise, "Me? You're amazing with her, Beth. You've become her mother and I'm thankful everyday for you."

Impulsively, he hugged her, tucking her head under his chin. Even though he had no designs on Beth, it felt so incredible to actually hug another human being, one who wanted his touch, and he did love her and all she did for Judy.

That's when he felt the hard press of Daryl's eyes, angry and burning with jealousy. Something a slight bit evil curled in Rick's stomach, and as the archer glared, Rick stroked his hands down Beth's back and held her a bit tighter. As the girl pulled away and said, "I haven't been hugged like that since Daddy died," Rick felt shame, kissed her forehand and ran a hand down her long, blonde hair.

"He'd be so proud of you," he told her.

As the front door slammed behind Daryl, most didn't even glance away from the fire. It was the moody archer, after all.

Rick followed Daryl out to the home's wide front porch, where Daryl stood furiously smoking a cigarette. If glares were arrows, Rick would be dead by now.

"Is that what you want?" Daryl gestured wildly back toward the house, his voice a harsh whisper.

"Of course not. She's like a daughter to me. She just told me she hadn't been hugged like that since her father died."

"Oh," Daryl whispered, and his shoulders slumped. He looked so broken that it took everything Rick had not to touch him.

"I'm so fucked up, Rick. I can't keep expecting you to deal with me. I'm gonna leave, strike out on my own."

Terror choked Rick's throat and it took him a moment to reply, "You leave me and I'll hunt you down. I'll never stop looking for you until I find you. I don't care how fucked up you are. You're mine."

Daryl's eyes gleamed as Rick leaned against the porch railing, "Well okay then."

"Give me one," Rick pointed to Daryl's cigarette pack. He wasn't much of a smoker, but it gave him an excuse to hang out with the other man. As Daryl held out the pack on his open hand, Rick purposely stroked his fingertips over Daryl's palm.

Snatching his hand away, Daryl backed up, his breath the only sound in the night. A moment later, he leaned on the railing beside Rick. As Rick flicked away his cigarette, Daryl grabbed his hand, turned it over, and began stroking his blunt fingertips across Rick's palm.

Rick just smiled. He could be a patient as necessary for as long as it took, but one day... "Kiss me," he whispered, and Daryl did.

.....

As the days grew shorter, the group became focused on finding a more permanent location for the winter. The problem, as always, was running water. So now they were scouring the Georgia countryside looking for a home with a well.

The first day, they'd found two farmhouses, but neither wells produced anything but sludge, and at the second house, Eugene had opened a barn door to a mass of walkers. The group had quickly taken them out, and Eugene took a cussing from almost everyone. Inside that home, though, they'd found a mountain of canned goods, and large bags of dry foods like rice and pasta.

The next farmhouse was a 2-story covered in crazily-peeling white paint. There'd been two walkers inside, so the place stank to high heaven, and they'd thrown open the windows. Daryl and Abraham got the pump flowing and everyone was excited to have running water.

Rick and Daryl had become inseparable over the past weeks, and even though everyone noticed, love in this new world was a thing to be rejoiced. There were so many couples in their group now. Of course, there was Maggie with Glenn and Rosita with Abraham, but Bob had paired off with Sasha and Ty's arm was most always firmly hooked around Carol's waist. Eugene still hopelessly chased Tara around, Beth was completely focused on raising Judy, and all Carl wanted was more hunting and bow lessons. And comic books, which the house's son had apparently loved in abundance.

The first night they'd slept outside in their tents because the smell in the house was unbearable. Rick staked his tent next to Glenn and Maggie's and almost went insane listening to all the moaning and groaning. Every time he thought the couple was finished and he could finally get some sleep, they'd simply started up again.

Rick had tried many times to get Daryl to share his tent, but that trapped look would enter the archer's eyes and Rick would drop the issue. Now though, as he laid alone, listening to the love making, he was miserable. Something had to give.

The next morning, the group moved in. Another glorious thing about their new home was the abundance of fireplaces. Most of the bedrooms even had them. Though there was a nice-sized woodpile by the barn, the men spent the day chopping down trees and adding to the pile.

Everyone had taken turns in the showers, and even though the water was freezing, it felt so good to be clean.

That night, Rick was laying in his room, his muscles sore from chopping wood. He was trying to read an old western, when Daryl appeared in the doorway, for once wearing a clean T-shirt. For the first time in a long while, Rick wasn't in bed fully clothed, just his boxers and a sheet pulled up to his hips.

The heat in Daryl's eyes made Rick feel naked, and just like that, he had a raging hard-on, "Come here."

Daryl closed the door behind him, but perched on the end of the bed, posed for flight. This suited Rick just fine, he wanted to talk to the other man, and if Daryl had started kissing him, he'd have lost his train of thought.

"I've been watching you," Rick told him, "with the others. I've seen them touch you, pats and whatnot, and you don't like it, but you don't jerk away like you've been burned, like you do when I touch you."

Haunted, Daryl's eyes met Rick's, "Dunno."

"Yes you do. I want to be able to do what they do. Pat you on the arm if I want."

Daryl jerked to his feet, but so did Rick. Rick slammed a hand on the door, keeping it closed, and he almost relented at the trapped look on Daryl's face, but hearing Maggie's moans the night before had reminded him of how good it could be, to draw that response from the one you loved.

"Please," Rick told him, "You know how I feel about you. You know I'd never hurt you or do something you didn't like. Please help me understand. Please, I'm begging you."

Something in Rick's words caused Daryl to throw his arms around Rick. It was a punishingly hard embrace, but Rick accepted it for a minute before saying, "Can't breathe," and Daryl loosened his hold. Rick took a step back toward the bed and Daryl stepped with him.

"Just lay down with me. Talk to me. I won't touch you, I promise."

So there they were, laying side by side on Rick's bed, six inches of space between them. Rick waited, but when it seemed the other man would be content to stay like that all night, Rick turned his head on the pillow, studying Daryl's strong profile, "Talk to me. Please."

His voice was so quiet Rick barely made out the words, "I just don't like to be touched. Not like that."

"Like what? Sexually?"

Daryl made a choked sound and Rick waited. A while passed before Daryl said, "I was 8. There was this man."

Rick had figured as much, but hearing confirmation brought tears to his eyes, "Its okay, Daryl, you don't have to tell me anymore."

"Don't I? I think I do. I think you'll never leave it alone. And why should you? You deserve to know," his words were barely a whisper.

"It was my daddy's drug dealer, lost his home or something, moved in with us. My momma was always wasted, alcohol was her drug of choice, but daddy liked the stronger stuff. Shot up with needles a lot. Merle was in juvie, again, and no one cared. He wouldn't stop touching me. Or hurting me. My daddy heard me, he knew, but the man just gave him more drugs. After a week or so, momma eventually noticed and sobered up for a few weeks, keeping me locked in her bedroom, and then the man moved out. When I was grown, I saw him one night in a bar, he was old by then, but I followed him out, and stabbed him in the parking lot. I killed him, Rick. And I never thought twice about it."

"I don't blame you," Rick whispered back, his voice choked with emotion, "he deserved to die."

Neither said anything else, and after a while, Rick tugged the sheet up over them, and laid his hand, palm up between them. After a minute or so, Daryl took his hand.

In the middle of the night, Rick woke up sweating to find Daryl's heavy weight draped over him like a blanket. Between the soft mattress underneath him and the crush of Daryl above, he thought he might suffocate, but damned if he wanted to ask the other man to move.

Daryl's head rested beside Rick's and the other man snored softly in his ear. It was really kind of comical, Rick thought, attempting to stretch his back a bit, but a sleeping Daryl nuzzled his ear in protest, so Rick just laid there. If it weren't for the mattress beneath him, he would have loved Daryl's weight. He felt incredible, after all.

Rick didn't want to wake Daryl, the man rarely seemed to sleep, he usually took two watch duties at night and Rick had never seen him nap or doze. Finally, Rick gently pushed at Daryl's shoulder.

It was instantaneous, how Daryl sprang from the bed and appeared on the other side of the room. Rick set up in bed, sighing, "Come back, I'm sorry, but you were smushing me."

After a minute Daryl did, laying as far away from Rick as possible. Rick's feelings were a little hurt for a moment before he remembered how trusting Daryl had been in his sleep.

"Will you kiss me?" Rick asked, and suddenly Daryl's face was above him. All of their previous experiences had occurred standing up, so this angle felt new, it felt different. As Daryl began his normal soft series of presses, Rick moaned, "Just kiss me. Deep."

And there was the tongue he loved. The angle of Daryl's head made the kiss deeper than any they'd shared, and as Daryl trailed a hand across Rick's chest, pausing curiously at his nipple, Rick's arousal hit a fever pitch.

He broke away, panting, "Touch me Daryl."

"I am."

"No," Rick told him, "touch all of me," but then Daryl was sitting up, and scooting away.

Rick wanted to scream in frustration, not at Daryl, but the situation.

"Don't be mad at me," Daryl whispered.

"I'm not mad, Daryl, I'm frustrated. Aren't you?"

"No, I'm happy," even though his tone sound anything but happy, "I love kissing you."

Rick sighed, "I love kissing you, too, but don't you want more? Release?"

Daryl looked miserable, and Rick decided to drop it for tonight, "Come on, lay back down. I'm good. Everything's fine."

The moonlight streaming through the windows shadowed the bones of Daryl's face, and to Rick he'd never look more handsome. He held out his hand, but his arm grew tired and he dropped it. Rick was bone tired, so he rolled on his side, facing away from Daryl.

"Get some sleep," he whispered over his shoulder before settling into the pillow and tugging up the sheet.

He felt Daryl lay down behind him, and after a moment, Daryl said softly, "I don't know how to touch you. Not like that."

"Oh, sure you do, just like you touch yourself."

At Daryl's continued silence, realization dawned, and Rick turned to him in awe, "You never touch yourself?"

"Maybe I started to, a couple of times when I was a teen, but memories, you know..."

"So you've never had an orgasm?" Rick tried to keep the incredulous sound out of his voice, but it was hard.

"I think I did, once in my sleep, back at the prison. I had a dream about you and when I woke up, I was all sticky down there. I'm pretty sure that's what happened."

"What did you dream?"

"Don't remember, really. That was the day I walked in on you in the shower."

Now that Rick remembered. He'd been jacking off, but since all men did, he'd thought little of Daryl catching him.

"That turns me on, that you dreamed about me."

"I liked watching you," Daryl whispered, and his voice sounded so sexy that Rick reached a hand down his own body, tugging aside his boxers.

As Daryl watched, his eyes full of that heat that only Rick ever got to see, Rick began working his dick, trying to show Daryl what he liked. But as Daryl scooted down the bed to get a closer look, his face a study in concentration, Rick lost it, and the intense pleasure of the orgasm made him toss his head back into the pillow as come squirted across his stomach and chest.

He looked up at Daryl, who was staring down at Rick's shrinking member. After a moment Daryl met his eyes, "Hold on. I'll clean you up."

Daryl disappeared into the small bath attached to the bedroom and Rick heard the sound of running water. Daryl came out holding a washcloth, and slowly cleaned Rick. He went back and forth to the bathroom several times to rinse out the rag until he satisfied that Rick was clean.

As Daryl laid down beside him, still not touching, Rick didn't worry. He had no doubt he'd be wearing a Daryl blanket come morning.

.....

A few hours later when Rick awoke, he was once again covered in Daryl's weight, the other man's soft snore echoing in his ear. With Daryl's face crammed between Rick and the pillow, Rick wondered how Daryl could even breathe.

Rick was sweaty, stiff, and uncomfortable as hell, but he still grinned. He wished he could hug Daryl, and then flip that gorgeous body over and kiss every inch of Daryl's scarred and tattooed skin, but he restrained himself. How could the man be so distrusting while awake, and so amazingly loving in his sleep? Rick took it for what it was, trust. Daryl trusted him. And obviously didn't want Rick to go anywhere.

His smile soon dampened as he thought of their conversation the night before. He'd known Daryl was abused as a child, and that the abuse had been horrendous, a grown man with that amount of scar tissue across his back, well, it said a lot about the misery of his childhood... but sexual abuse was a whole other story, and one Rick didn't know how to deal with. The pain trapped inside Daryl was something Rick couldn't even imagine. He had no idea how to help Daryl.

No more pressure, he told himself, I'll let him do what he wants and not ask for anything more. Nothing more. I'll simply love him exactly as he is.

"Daryl?"

His head immediately popped up and Rick saw that now familiar panic flash through Daryl's eyes before he glared down at Rick.

"What you wailing on about?"

Happy that Daryl hadn't immediately lunged away, Rick smiled at him, "Good morning to you too."

The glare softened slightly, and then flicked down to Rick's lips.

"Yes," Rick encouraged, "kiss me."

"Got morning breath," the other man said, but his gaze remained on Rick's mouth.

"You think I give a shit? Kiss me anyway. Kiss me good morning."

Daryl's eyes softened and when he leaned down for the gentle press that Rick had grown to love, Rick simply followed him. No pressure, ever again.

Then Daryl did something Rick was not expecting. He rocked his pelvis against Rick's. The movement was slow and almost imperceptible, but he was definitely moving his hips.

Rick's good intentions disappeared and he deepened the kiss, licking at Daryl's mouth until his lips opened. He didn't thrust back against Daryl, not how he wanted to, but he did start to follow the flow of the other man's body. Through the thin material of his boxers, Rick could feel the hard press of Daryl's dick rubbing along side his.

The slow languid pace of Daryl's rocking hips put a spell on Rick, he'd never felt such drowsy arousal, and the pleasure radiating out from him was in almost-drunken waves. He was light-headed, and as Daryl's tongue took on the same rhythm of his hips, Rick felt the pleasure build and build, and few minutes later, his orgasm didn't just hit him with the normal burst of pleasure. Instead this orgasm rolled through his entire body in a seemingly endless pulses. He repeatedly gasped into Daryl's mouth as wave after wave of bliss saturated his senses. He'd never experienced anything like that, and collapsed limp, boneless.

Daryl kissed the tears Rick didn't even realize he'd shed from Rick's face, and then his mouth gently, "I think you liked that."

The self-satisfied tone made Rick laugh, and it was tortuous not to hug Daryl like he wanted to.

"God yes, that was amazing," Rick told him, and Daryl grinned, and finally rolled off of Rick. Daryl had slept fully dressed, and Rick could see Daryl hadn't gotten any relief. Daryl followed Rick's eyes down to the front of his pants, and turned his back. Rick sighed.

"We need a new mattress," Rick told him, "or you're going to accidentally smother me in my sleep. Move your stuff in here. You're staying with me from here on out."

Daryl just grunted.

...

Rick discovered he did have some power in their relationship, after all, and it was quite by accident.

Carol was loading wood into the men's arms for them to deliver to the bed rooms. She had just finished loading medium-sized logs into Rick's arms when Daryl scoffed, "Give me the heaviest ones."

"We can't all lift like we live at the gym, Daryl," Rick told him and was delighted at the blush that quickly spread across Daryl's cheeks. Rick paused at the door to the house, turning back to find Daryl's hot eyes following him.

Later that day, Abraham was showing Rick a map on which Abraham had mapped out potential paths to DC. Daryl came over to look, accidentally blocking the light from the window behind him.

"Scoot over, Daryl," Rick told him, "Your shoulders are blocking the sun."

That blush again stained Daryl's cheeks, and Rick grew thoughtful. He'd seen women attempt to flirt with Daryl, especially the Woodbury women back at the prison, but Daryl never seemed to notice. In general, he'd grunted at them and gone on about his business. At the time, Rick thought Daryl either didn't understand or just didn't care.

But with Rick's unintentional flirting, Daryl got it instantly, and it was obvious that the other man was affected by Rick's words.

That afternoon Rick followed Daryl down to a little pond some distance from the house. Daryl was hoping to find it stocked with fish. Small hills rolled out before them, and even with the colder weather, the sea of still-green grasses was a sight to behold.

Daryl threw out his arm, "This view, huh?"

When he turned to Rick, Rick let his eyes trail slowly up Daryl's body, "Oh, I'm enjoying the view all right. Gorgeous."

That blush yet again, "Stop it, Rick."

"Can't help it, Daryl."

Daryl tucked his head and tackled Rick, and as they rolled to the ground, Rick threw an arm around Daryl's waist and grabbed Daryl's bicep with his other hand. Rick quickly released his waist, but as Daryl landed on top of him, he trailed his fingers across that heavily muscled arm.

"Stop it," Daryl growled into Rick's face, but Rick just looked up at him and grinned, "You're so sexy, Daryl, do you have any idea what these muscles do to me?"

Removing his hand, Rick gasped when Daryl ground his hips into Rick's, "Yeah, you're all hard again."

"It's you, Daryl, watching you and remembering this morning."

Daryl looked at the sky, and Rick leaned up and licked his throat. For once, Daryl didn't shove him away, so Rick took advantage, using his lips and tongue to kiss and suck one of the cords of muscles, but then Daryl's mouth was there and the kiss made Rick moan.

Suddenly Daryl was standing up, and holding down his hand, "Anyone can see us out here."

Rick let Daryl pull him to his feet, but Rick didn't release his hand. Daryl tugged for few seconds before that slight smile came, "You're a stubborn bastard."

"Think of it as you touching me instead of the other way around."

Daryl peered through his lashes, "Huh. Maybe."

So they held hands for a minute, when they walked, but both found it incredibly awkward and let go with a laugh.

The pond was jumping with fish, "Tomorrow we should bring Carl," Daryl said, "and maybe Beth. Let 'em do some fishing."

Rick nodded, and after a moment turned to leave, but Daryl didnt move, he just stood at the pond's edge and chewed at the tip of his thumb.

"I've never felt anything like this before," Daryl whispered.

"I know," Rick told him, and when Daryl turned to face him, "Neither have I."

That evening Beth let them exchange her harder mattress for their softer one. Later, when Rick came to kiss Judy goodnight, Beth put a hand on his arm, "I want you to know that I'm glad you and Daryl found each other. He needs you, Rick, more than you know."

"I need him, too," he told her, kissing her forehead and then Judy's.

When Rick entered their bedroom, Daryl was in the shower. The fire was burning low, so Rick stoked it and added a large log, thinking of earlier that day, and the heat in Daryl's eyes.

He stripped down to his boxers, and headed into the bathroom, "It's just me," he said and started brushing his teeth.

The shower curtain ripped back and Rick swallowed his toothpaste. A wet, fully naked Daryl stood in front of him, "Hand me a towel."

But Rick was frozen. Before Daryl, he'd only really ever paid attention to women. Shane had a great body, and Rick had known it, had even admired Shane's physique, but he'd never wanted to touch Shane.

Rick's palms itched. It was so torturous to see all that flesh and not touch.

"Hello?" Daryl said, and that amusement was back in his voice.

"I think you're trying to kill me," Rick whispered.

"Just hand me a damn towel," Daryl's voice was gruff, but color sparked his cheeks, and he was looking pretty damned pleased with himself.

It was heady to Rick that this was the first time in Daryl's life he'd felt comfortable enough or confident enough to try his hand at flirting. Rick grabbed a towel and tossed it to Daryl, then he leaned against the sink to watch Daryl dry off.

His cheeks stayed red, and Daryl was brisk about it, still unsure about how to play the flirting game, but he let Rick admire the view.

Baby steps, Rick reminded himself, one day soon.

.....

Rick finished brushing his teeth and left Daryl in the bathroom. As he settled back on their new, much harder mattress, Daryl walked out with a towel around his waist.

Such a man, Rick thought, admiring Daryl's broad shoulders, the way his chest narrowed down to his thin waist, and those slim hips barely anchoring the towel. When Daryl walked straight to the bed, quickly lifted the sheet, tore off the towel, and climbed in naked, Rick forgot to breathe.

They both laid there, Rick was too nervous to move or say a word, and Daryl's harsh breathing filled the room, "Thought about what you said."

Rick rolled on his side to face Daryl, "What did I say?"

"You know," he quietly replied, "to think of it as me touching you."

Rick stuck out his hand, "Touch me."

As often seemed the case, Daryl did the unexpected, he pressed Rick's hand to his cheek and just held it there, snuggling his face into Rick's palm for a moment before putting Rick's hand back on his side of the bed.

"Was that okay?" Rick asked.

"Yeah. I was hoping for more though,"

But Daryl sounded happy, so Rick just smiled, "I will take what I can get."

"Give it back, I want to keep trying," Daryl demanded and Rick drew in a breath as Daryl centered Rick's hand over his heart.

Rick's fascination warred between the silken feel of Daryl's skin and the strong, thumping beat of the other man's heart. When he took Rick's hand and stroked it up his neck, Rick battled with himself, with his own damn hand, not to take over the caress. He did allow himself to press his fingertips against Daryl's skin, and then he gasped as Daryl slowly trailed his hand down that rock hard chest and abdomen to Daryl's hip, and then back up again.

Daryl sighed, "I like your hand," and he brought Rick's fingertips to his lips for a soft kiss before gently laying Rick's hand between them.

Daryl tugged the sheet up to his shoulders and turned on his side to face Rick, "Thank you."

"I love you, Daryl. No matter what. I will happily spend the rest of my life jacking off if that's what you need me do," the idea wasn't as appealing as Rick made it sound, but he was serious.

"I don't want you to do that," Daryl's eyes were hot again, and Rick swallowed. Daryl's hand trailed under the sheet and rested in the center of Rick's chest.

"Do you mean it?" Daryl asked, leaning up on his elbow, "the part about the rest of your life?"

God, Rick loved him, "I've been in this for the long haul since the first time you kissed me."

Daryl's stroked in circles down Rick's stomach, and then gently rubbed Rick's dick, "I love watching you when you're feeling good."

Rick didn't know if he would last long with Daryl's hand on him.

Daryl's was rough and there was no finesse whatsoever in the yanking he started, "Whoa," Rick told him.

"What am I doing wrong?" Daryl's face was so open, so earnest, that Rick seriously just considered pretending that he liked that crazy jerking of Daryl's hand.

"I'll show you," Rick whispered huskily and he put his hand on top of Daryl's, who proved a quick learner, as always. Daryl pulled back the sheet and leaned down to watch, and Rick could feel the orgasm building. Daryl laid his head on Rick's stomach, and Rick could feel the hot press of the other man's breath on his dick. The pleasure reached a level of near pain, and as his spine bowed and as he came in a burst of pleasure, he drowsily noted the lack of wetness.

Daryl lifted his head, his tongue peeking out as he licked his lips, and Rick's dick jumped crazily knowing Daryl had caught it with his mouth, that the other man had swallowed his come.

"Come here," Rick demanded, and he could taste himself in Daryl's kiss. It may have been the most erotic moment in Rick's life, and he kissed Daryl deeply, twining his tongue into Daryl's mouth. When Daryl broke away for a breath, Rick moved his mouth to Daryl's throat, licking and sucking the corded muscle.

"That feels good," Daryl whispered, so Rick increased his efforts, and even moved down to bite lightly at the skin where Daryl's neck met his shoulder. Daryl's hands were in Rick's hair, encouraging him, and he was making little whimpering sounds, and Rick felt the surprising surge of blood roaring back down his own body.

Rick decided to push the issue, trailing his mouth over Daryl's collarbone down to his chest, tonguing, nipping, and sucking at every inch of skin he could reach, and still Daryl gave no protest. As Rick reached his nipple, Daryl's fingers tightened in his hair, pulling harshly, but Rick loved the feeling. He continued downward, mouthing at Daryl's rib cage, his stomach, even dipping his tongue in Daryl's navel.

Since he expected Daryl to stop him at any moment, Rick didn't hesitate, and in one motion, he took more than half of the length of Daryl's dick into his mouth. Daryl began making a high-pitched keening sound and a part of Rick's mind knew others in the house could probably hear it, but he didn't care. His mouth and throat were full of Daryl, silky skin over rock hard flesh, and as he bobbed his head, sucking hard at Daryl, spinning his tongue over the head of Daryl's dick, Daryl screamed out, "oh my god, Rick!"

As the other man's body began jerking wildly, Rick felt Daryl come hot and hard in the back of his throat, and heard him sobbing a gibberish mix of "oh my god" and "Rick" over and over.

Judy's cries and a chorus of "knock it off" and "shut it up" filled the night. Rick slowly released Daryl, licking at the sensitive flesh as he withdrew his mouth. As he looked up at Daryl and saw the tears rolling down the other man's stunned face, Rick immediately went to kiss the tears away. Rick stroked his hands down Daryl's arms, fully taking advantage of Daryl's distraction.

Daryl's throat worked and he opened his mouth several times to speak, but no words came.

Rick took Daryl's face between his palms, and gently kissed his lips, "For the rest of our lives, Daryl Dixon."

And then he took Daryl in his arms, hugging the other man to his heart's content.


	2. The Time That Follows

The freezing harshness of that winter barely bothered Rick's family. A general cheeriness filled the home, yes home, and even if the necessity of burning all of the fireplaces often kept the farmhouse too smoky, no one minded. 

Getting to put down roots together, as Rick told the family on several occasions, was everything. 

As the weather grew colder, several animals appeared around the farm, seeking the safety they'd known in the past. Two cows and a bull were the first to arrive, but later several chickens and even a skinny pig showed up close by. The barn was opened and everyone seemed to love taking care of the animals. 

Thanksgiving was an enormous success with Daryl's wild turkey, baked and carved by Rick, taking center stage of the lengthy mahogany dining table. Glenn and Maggie created two slightly sour pies from dried berries, while Carol and Tyrese contributed garlic-roasted pecan green beans that somehow couldn't have come from the family's large stock of canned goods. Beth and Carl set the table with an ornate, gold-trim china found in the attic, and Sasha, Bob, and the others created short work of clean-up. 

Christmas was magical, too, as everyone gifted the other with something found or hand-made. Daryl's favorite gifts were the matching silver bands Rick slid on their ring fingers. 

Though they had yet to see a walker anywhere near the farm, most of the group spent the winter creating fencing/barriers in a large perimeter around the farm. Abandoned vehicles, trailers, even sliding and planks stripped from unused outbuildings became part of their "fence". By February they were digging trenches outside the fence, and placing wooden spikes in front of the "moat". All in all, their efforts made the farm easily defensible against walkers.

One clear morning in March, Abraham, Rosita, Tara, and Eugene left for D.C. Even though Eugene had admitted that he didn't have a cure, Abraham still believed that Eugene was the best hope for mankind. 

The rest stayed, unwilling to leave their new home, and even though the foursome was missed, life became about farming. Tyrese had found a store of seeds in one of the barns, and after tilling the soil for a large garden plot, they'd planted their first crop. Maggie, who'd claimed to know little about farming, became their best source for dealing with fertilizers, weeds, and bugs. 

As for Rick and Daryl, their love became the group's fascination. Carol spent so much time discussing Rick and Daryl to Tyreese that the big man began to develop a complex, especially when Carol began discussing the sexiness of the pair in Tyreese's bed. 

One morning in the kitchen, Rick overhead Beth and Maggie practically squealing about how "hot" it was to watch he and Dayrl interact, their glances, their late afternoon "napping", the general sexiness of them both. 

And from one and all, Rick heard about Daryl's change. How Daryl always seemed to be in a good mood. How Daryl was easier to talk to. How Daryl smiled now and lit up the room. Well, maybe that was Rick thinking the lighting up the room part. Regardless, the man had changed, and his personality, though still quiet and thoughtful, had begun to shine. 

Best of all, Rick could touch Daryl however he wanted, except for one tiny exception. Rick was never allowed near Daryl's ass. He could touch the hard globe of it, a steady press of the other man into Rick's own groin, but caresses weren't happening. 

Rick had tried several routes, "I'll let you do me, Daryl. I'll be on bottom."

But Daryl's eyes had shuttered and Rick had dropped the issue, and instead taken Daryl deep into his throat. 

Once when Daryl hugged Rick from behind, Rick had swiveled his hips, grinding back against the hard press of Daryl's dick, and Daryl had shoved him away and disappeared for the rest of the day. 

Daryl's childhood abuse was at the core of his disinterest, Rick knew this. It just didn't seem worth it keep pushing, but conversely, knowing he couldn't have Daryl take him like that made Rick almost unhealthily fixated on making it happen. 

Gradually, he grew a bit bitter about the whole situation, and knowing Daryl didn't want to hear it, Rick bottled up his feelings. And to his shame, found himself snapping at Daryl over the stupidest shit. 

Rick always felt horrible afterwards. Daryl was so sweet, and despite his hard life, Daryl was gentle with everyone around them. He didn't deserve to be treated like this. 

Something had to give and that needed to be Rick. He needed to let this go, and be happy with the love he and Daryl shared. And maybe if he was really patient... like he'd been with Daryl's fear of being touched. 

Maybe...

**Author's Note:**

> Please let me know if you like this. I posted it on another site and it got no attention whatsoever.


End file.
